I think one thing I love about winter and the early morning is the special role of routines. Even though I don't think about it as often, there's still something reverent about a routine - dependable, precious, comforting, purposeful, predictably illuminating - that makes me crave them. Probably why I thought it would be a good idea to get up really early during the winter.

Well, now we are moving and what I really want is to put everything back where it belongs. For a moment I will feel settled and then free to grow and move and act and have my being from there. Today I know that will never happen again. Frankly, I know that I am moving because there were times when I felt that this house restricted me. But now the time has come and I am so lost without the routines. Without the familiar orientation of things. It is hard for me to find myself. I don't know how much longer it will be before I can find this again.

I know everyone's personality is different, but I always feel the most free to dare and create when there are a few things I know to be stable. Without a place to be, I feel shuttered away.

How much of this is about having a comfortable house? I don't know. I love it but I also love stretching my arms and having Sarah and Andrea there. I don't want to reach that far.